Inclusivity - My Annual Apology
For much of my early rabbinate, I said no to interfaith couples who reached out to me.
At the time, I thought I was protecting Judaism, upholding tradition, and standing firm in my values. What I didn’t fully understand then was the very real pain that my “no” carried. Couples who came to me in hope—hoping for a ceremony that honored their Jewish identity and welcomed their partner—were instead left with rejection.
Whether I intended it or not, that message was clear: “You don’t belong.”
To those couples, I owe an apology. If I ever made you feel unwelcome, if I ever left you feeling as though your marriage wasn’t valid, or if my words suggested that your family couldn’t have a place within Jewish life—I am deeply sorry.
With time, study, and experience, my perspective has shifted entirely. Today, I am honored to officiate weddings for interfaith couples.
What I’ve learned is that these ceremonies aren’t a compromise or a threat to Judaism—they are an affirmation of love, commitment, and connection. They are moments where Jewish tradition is brought into conversation with the lives people are actually living, and that conversation is what keeps Judaism vibrant.
Over and over, I’ve seen interfaith couples approach me with humility, with courage, and with a deep desire to celebrate Jewish ritual. Many of them tell me about being turned away by rabbis before finding me, and I see in their faces the sadness that comes with rejection. My work now is to make sure no couple I meet leaves with that same feeling.
Instead, I want them to walk away knowing this: you are welcome here, and your family matters - to me, and to the Jewish community.
More than that, your connection to Judaism is essential, no matter who you marry.
It has taken me nearly two decades to grow into this rabbinate—one rooted in celebration, in hospitality, and in the conviction that Jewish tradition is strong enough to embrace complexity. I can’t undo the harm my younger self may have caused, but I can keep showing up differently now. And I can keep saying yes.
To every interfaith couple: thank you for trusting me with your most sacred moments. It is my honor to stand with you.
❤️ Rabbi LeighAnn
